To my friends, hello. I miss you all. I haven't heard from so many people. This is my attempt to keep you guys up to speed.
So to cap up everything that's new
I live alone in a 40 square meter large condominium unit. My course is hella stressful. I have 75 notecards due. My lab experiments are 100 points each. I got a C+ in my first Math long test. I've received a D in a post-lab report. [oh god.] I almost missed my Chem exam. I am a member of CADs. Raph and I are dunzo, for real this time. My brother is in rehab. My love life is all over the place and retarded. I have cool blockmates. I feel very betrayed by a certain friend. I miss my friends from AC.
So living alone is interesting. I haven't quite felt the blow of how lonely it can be, though. Thanks to a certain blockmate who has the unfortunate task of being dragged around everywhere. I'm scared, really. Being alone. Actually feeling alone. It scares me to death. I'm thankful for the heavy workload, sometimes. I don't have enough time to think about how alone I really am. I remember the first night I stayed in my condo. It was so horrible. I don't really want to go back to that place again.
It's not so bad, right now. I have friends who visit, once in a while. I really appreciate it when they offer to walk me home, or have dinner with me. It makes me feel so loved. Haha. Small things, guys. They really make the difference. Those little acts keep me sane. I'm so thankful I was blessed with such a good group of friends. I also feel very independent. It's an interesting feeling. Taking out the trash. Cleaning my condo. Budgeting. Paying bills. It's interesting.
Health Sciences is pretty hardcore. I get so jealous of my friends, sometimes. They tell me how chill college is so far. I have a pre-lab report (26 points) and post-lab report (70 points) due every week. English and Literature are pretty heavy too. For the past 3 weeks, I've had 25 notecards due. On August 4, I have my sentence outline due. It's overwhelming really. Math is confusing me like anything. Chemistry is boring, and the pace of lessons are pretty damn fast. My Mid-terms are coming up and I'm scared shitless. OH MY GOD. Damn heavy course. Lots of people in my block are contemplating shifting courses. I don't think I will. I'm in limbo, really. I don't quite know what I want. I think I'm just meant to stay. The workload is manageable. It's just way different from what I was used to in high school. I HAVE to take down notes. (Yes, Martina. Be proud of me.) I HAVE to study every day. I HAVE to do homework and not cram. I HAVE to go to the library. I'm still trying to work my way into the groove of my subjects. Math is still a bit off for me. Chemistry is fine. I'm still trying to figure out Chem Lab though :P Wish me luck, guys!
My blockmates are awesome. We have this intense block name, XX1. It's all good though. I've met some really good people. I'm glad we all click pretty well with each other. I love them all to bits. I hope we stick together, I know some of 'em might shift courses. Pweh. Walang iwanan. Sana lang :P
I was accepted into CADs, the dance organization of Ateneo. I'm part of the street division. The audition process was interesting. We went through first auditions, then a probationary period, and finally final auditions. I'm so glad I got in. They're a good group of people. I look forward to training (unless I have a postlab or notecards due :T ). MWF; 4.30-7. Not so bad. Anton Recto, my blockmate, also got in. So I have kasama. Mela Bucoy's also my team mate, so that's good! Training's interesting. We played frisbee, and had a workshop with Allstar, Jhong Mesina. Good times.
Now, on to heavier matters.
My brother is in rehab. It's a long story, really. A life story, in a way. It's been a long road to get to this point. He's gonna stay there for 3 months (against his will, mind you). We get to visit him tomorrow. If you guys want to know the whole story. Just tell me. Give me a ring. My biggest concern is how opposed he is to the whole process. I just want him to get better. I want him to be nice again. I want him to be my best friend again. I missed that the most. I missed how simple it used to be. I miss who he was. I miss seeing him as my older brother. Nyark, nostalgia. Let's all hope for his recovery. God, I hope he doesn't relapse.
My best friend also disappointed me, this week. I expected something more from her. I expected her to be there. I expected her to think of other people aside from herself. I was expecting too much. I feel horribly betrayed and disheartened. I was there for you. I did everything I could whenever you needed me. I helped you through the hardest of times. And no, what you went through and how I acted, is so far from how you behaved when I reached out to you. You're always asking me for help, and I give it to you, whole-heartedly, no strings attached. I always tried my best to be strong for you. I always had your back. It was my turn to ask for help. It was my turn to be supported. But it had to be about you. It always does. I'm tired of it. So sick and tired.
Raph and I are over. 1 year and 4 months of being together. 1 year and 8 months of dating. But now, here we are. Long story. Talk to me if you want to know. If I could ask anything from anyone, I'd rather that you talk to me rather than among yourselves. It's my story. Let me tell it. Don't assume. Don't blame. Don't judge. Just let me be the one to tell you.
On my love life. What love life. Ever get the feeling that you're chasing something that you prolly won't catch?
There. If you read that, consider yourself updated.
1 comment:
i feel updated.
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